Getting Along with Compliant Colleagues: Tips for Smooth Teamwork

How to navigate the challenges of being a compliant person in a demanding world.

The other day, someone made a request of me, and before I could even think, my mouth said, “Sure, I’d love to.” When I went home and thought about it more, I realized I hadn’t really wanted to say yes, but my words betrayed me. And now I felt stuck between what I agreed to and what I really wanted. Ugh, I’d been in this situation before. What happened?

I understand why I said yes when I didn’t want to: my compliant nature got the best of me. Compliant people are loyal, cooperative, and eager to say yes. We tend to be agreeable, enjoy collaborative work, and take time to choose our words. We don’t usually share our opinions unless we’re asked to.

If you knew this about compliant people, you could walk all over us, but please don’t. You need us. Here are three ways to work with compliant people without crushing us.

Ask for opinions directly.

We probably won't share unless we’re asked for our opinions. That may run counter to how you operate. You may have an opinion, so you share it as freely as breathing. But compliant folks would rather support the established agenda than assert ourselves. If getting feedback is essential to you, then ask for feedback directly. Don’t expect us to give it automatically. If a compliant person doesn’t speak up in a meeting, don’t assume she’s disengaged. She may be waiting to be called upon.

Give time to reflect.

We need time to compile how we think and feel. We default to agree, but that may not be our truest response. We may say yes in the moment but later regret our yes and then hold a grudge. This makes matters worse. Instead of demanding an answer on the spot, allow time for reflection. It may seem like going slow, but you’d rather have a proper response than a backpedaled response later. Give a timeframe like, “I’d like to hear from you tomorrow,” or “After you have time to think about it, I’d love to hear your thoughts.”

Invite a no or different opinion.

We aim to be supportive. Disagreeing with you or saying no seems like being unsupportive. That’s why it’s hard to do. But diverse opinions may be best, so how can we get there? By your invitation. You can help us by inviting a no or a different opinion. Say something like, “You may disagree with me, and that’s okay. I know you’re still on board.” An invitation like that welcomes a divergent opinion and reassures us that we’re still supportive.

We're all different, offering different contributions. The key is learning how to let each other be our best. Next, we'll talk about working with dominant people. There are some of you out there, oh yes.