From Goombas to Greatness: Getting Along with Dominant People
How to harmonize with dominant personalities and foster balanced relationships
When I was younger, my best friend, Kirk, was always in charge. He had a magnetic energy that drew people in and always knew exactly what he wanted. Our friendship was a perfect example of how opposites attract. While Kirk was assertive and confident, I was more compliant and easygoing.
One of our favorite pastimes was playing Super Mario Bros. on the NES in the late ‘80s. Well, Kirk played, and I watched. He'd expertly jump over Goombas, dodge Bowser's fireballs, and rescue Princess Toadstool with ease. I was happy to cheer him on from the sidelines, enjoying the adventure vicariously.
Despite our differences, we got along great. Kirk's dominant nature and my easygoing attitude balanced each other perfectly. Those gaming sessions taught me valuable lessons about patience, support, and balance in relationships.
Dominant people tend to exert their authority or influence. Dominant folks are interested in initiating action or conversation and setting the agenda. Focused on results, they’re comfortable speaking directly, making decisions quickly, and taking on challenges. Unlike many compliant people, you don’t have to guess what dominant folks think—they freely share their opinions.
The beautiful thing about dominant and compliant people working together is that dominant ones want to influence and compliant ones want to support, what a match made in heaven! For this to work, though, there must be agreement—the supporters' involvement and investment.
But unhappy, compliant people often quietly disengage. That’s a power they (we) wield. They may be present physically but are emotionally removed. They may say yes with their mouths, but their hearts are saying no. Quiet disagreement is the middle finger for compliant people.
But how does this help anyone? Here are three ways to work with dominant people without disengaging from them.
Distinguish between intentions and approaches.
Dominant folks are typically direct and assertive in their communication. They’re confident and sure of themselves. They get to the point quickly and say what needs to be said. This may be different from your style, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. While you may not appreciate their approach, their intentions may be correct. If you're turned off, is it just their style? Learn to distinguish between intentions and approaches.
Add your voice when it should be added.
Omniscience isn’t a quality of dominance. Dominant people don’t know it all; they depend on others to fill in the gaps. When you stay silent, you’re withholding a valuable contribution. Since sharing feedback comes naturally to dominant folks, they may not think to ask for yours. So help them by adding your voice when it should be added.
Look for signs of unrest and address them.
If you feel your proverbial middle finger going up, that is, if you think yourself disengaging from your dominant counterpart, then ask why. Look for signs of unrest and get curious about them. You may need more clarity or time, but how will you get it unless you ask for what you need? The best partnerships are engaged, so please keep an eye on your engagement level and address the obstacles.
There, you see, dominant folks aren't monsters. They do bleed. Together, dominant and compliant people can accomplish much more than alone.